The other day I gave a talk at a local private school on discipline and temperament and and how as parents we really need to tailor our parenting style to our kid's temperament - if we plan on things going a bit more smoothly and if we want to set a solid foundation for our child's self-esteem. It reminded me of this article I wrote for Bundoo with tips on how to parent an introverted child
As I was reading it, I came across another article written by Raquel Anderson, a Bundoo colleague - that posed it the other way- how to be a parent as an introvert yourself- and I wanted to share. Feel free to leave your comments below!
Listen, I've been there. Trying to get as much done before getting to my appointment on time. The school zones, the traffic, the accidents, the road construction- the unexpected " I need to poop right now Mommy!!". It doesn't end and it can be difficult sometimes to calculate just the right amount of time to get from point A to point B.
No, I am not giving a free pass to parents to come late to our hourly sessions. Nor am I saying multi-task or squeeze in as many activities/responsibilities as you can to increase the likelihood that you'll be late.
And no, I am not devaluing the hour that we have or that I have with your child in session. This is an important hour in the entire week that can set an intention, can change a years long mindset, and start the drums beating to a different tone.
It's also okay. I imagine you rushing through traffic, heart beating, thinking or saying out loud, " We are so late for Eva's appointment!" Maybe cursing a bit or not- depending on the stress level- and your child- sitting in the backseat taking it all in. And I think that this is a teachable moment. What do we teach our children when we stress out about things out of our control? I mean, I guess, we can always go back and say - "I should've left earlier, left the dishes, work, taken another route" and okay so now you know for next time- but is it worth harping on it? Is it worth beating yourself or your child up verbally about it? Mathieu Riccard, a French biochemist turned monk said " Our control of the outer world is limited, temporary, and often illusory" .
Taking responsibility over things outside of our realm of control is a huge unnecessary weight on our shoulders and a battle that we may never win. Getting riled up about these events when there is nothing you can do at the moment to get to my office any sooner is a release of stress but sending a message that you or your child are supposed to be able to control the outcome of events. What if- instead of the simmering thoughts of absolutism - we won't get a chance to talk about this important thing, or she's going to think I don't care, or this is a waste because we are late" you take it in as a process. Teach your child healthy responsibility by letting me (or whoever else you are supposed to meet) that you are running late and try to take the moment as a teachable one for the future.
The other day a client's parent asked if I prescribed medication because she saw that my title notes "Licensed Clinical Psychologist". I explained that only psychiatrists, who are medical doctors, and other doctors such as nurse practitioners, general practitioners, neurologists, and pediatricians can prescribe medication to individuals.
Dr. Eva Benmeleh
I am a licensed clinical child psychologist in Hallandale Beach. I hope you enjoy the site!
221 West Hallandale Beach Blvd., Suite 202
Hallandale, FL 33009